


Living In Your Shadow

by Kitty Rainbow (KittyRainbow)



Category: Artemis Fowl - Colfer
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-22
Updated: 2002-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyRainbow/pseuds/Kitty%20Rainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grub thinks about the difficulties of having Trouble for a brother - always being second best, being thought of as a failure by so many, and the feelings which cloud his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living In Your Shadow

It's hard having a famous older brother. One who everyone has heard of, and who so many fairies aspire to be. "Trouble Kelp!" they all whisper. "So brave! So courageous!" And they're right; you are brave and courageous.

And who am I? Who has heard of me? If no one had heard of me, perhaps that would be better than how things are. I'm Trouble Kelp's little wimpy brother, not worth bothering with. Only asked on assignments because of his family. Nepotism, they say, is all that gets me anywhere.

Maybe they're right. But that doesn't make it any easier, living up to the standards set by you. Or seeing the pity in the eyes of so many LEP officers when they look at me. Me, the failure.

I can't help being what I am. Even when we were growing up, you were always the adventurous one. Rushing through the tunnels, finding secret hide-aways, and climbing dangerous rock piles. Mummy used to make you promise me that you wouldn't let anything happen to me, before I would go out and play with you. What neither she nor I knew was that you didn't need to be made to promise. You would have done it anyway.

Harder than the rest of the world thinking bad of me, is the way I feel I've failed you. That I'm dirtying your perfect image. But I know if I tried to give up now, to disappear from the public eye, you would tell me not to be so stupid. Because I know that even though they think I'm useless, pathetic, cowardly, you love me for who I am.

You've always tried to help me. Always looked after me. When so many others would have tried to distance themselves from me were they in your place, you have purposely stuck by me. You're always giving me so many opportunities to prove myself... but I just don't have it in me. I don't have the ability to excel, like you do. But you stay by me.

A part of me wishes it could hate you, be jealous of you. But how can I? When I see you in your Captain's uniform, and the dirty little voice whispers "look at him... he's a _Captain_", another part swells with brotherly pride and replies "yes, he is".

So here I am, the stupid younger brother who tries his best but never gets anywhere. And they look at me, and they pity me. And I look at myself, and I feel ashamed. And I know you look at me, and you feel pride.

That just doubles the shame.


End file.
